Grieving

"Wonderwall" - Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me


I miss you and will always love you, Gramma. Rest in Peace.

Lyrics

You came apart on me last Sunday morning
Chocked and indicted by the truth
And it's always tough when there's never enough
Of the good things coming
And there was never enough for you
There was never enough for you

Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't see you anymore
My eyes are taken still too high
Came down naked on you
Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore

Got excited when I thought that we would last
Twisted inside out 'til we were drowning
From the first attack we could never go back so we just keep on coming
But I was never enough for you
Was there ever enough for you

Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't feel you anymore
My eyes are taken still too high
Came down naked on you
Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore

And if you think you're dying
Baby well you know I felt the same
'Cause we were only hoping
Why's it always feel like, feel like
It feels like rain

Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't see you anymore
My eyes are taken still too high
Came down naked on you
Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore

Lost

You ever have the feeling that what you do and who you are means absolutely nothing? That you are like a square peg in a round hole...that you just don't fit? I definitely feel that way more often than not. I don't understand where I should be. I don't "get it." Life has me feeling like I'm drowning and there's no one there to throw me a life preserver and say, "Hey you know what? You need to be here because the world needs you. You may not see it now, but you DO have a purpose here on this earth and if we lost you, the world wouldn't be the same." I keep waiting for that. I keep waiting to see that bright light at the end of the tunnel but it doesn't seem to wanna shine for me.

My gramma is gone now. The only gramma I ever knew has left this world for a much better place than this. I hope she's at peace and I'm so glad she isn't suffering anymore but goodness knows I miss her so much! I miss hearing her say she loves me in that half Canadian, half Danish accent she so lovingly spoke in. I miss her asking if we wanted her to knit something for us, like scarves or dishclothes or hats. I miss her meatball soup, how it always felt so warm trickling down my throat as if she meant to give us a hug from the inside with her warm cooking. I miss so much about her.

I lost my job a month ago tomorrow. I've been looking but I cannot find anything in terms of employment. I have applied for EI and I am waiting to hear from them but so far, nothing yet. I miss the useful feeling you get when you have a job to go to. I miss having a reason to wake up in the morning.

I feel broken. I feel lost. I don't know how to fix either of these feelings right now. I wish life had an instructional manual. Some kind of guidelines that could help you get back on track when stuff like this happens. But unfortunately that is why life is not easy at times, because there is no manual. There is no blueprint for how to live or how to fix a broken you. But man....It'd be sweet if there was....