Just wanna give a shout out to my girl, Janny who just had her birthday. Miss you girl! I miss our chats and seeing you at work. Everyone's leaving and it bites because soon it'll be just me and a bunch of newbies.
Lately I'm kinda feeling that there isn't ever enough money for the things we need, never mind the things I want. My last paycheck, which was SUPPOSED to be mostly my own money to do with what I wanted to, is a paycheck I barely saw any of. I put in my 1/3 to the groceries and ended up paying for 3/4 of the groceries and my phone and other stuff because my sister and her fiance couldn't cover their damn share of the bills. I know they won't pay me back and I won't see any of that money. My sister is supposed to be paying a bit in towards getting me a new mp3 player since it's her fault I lost 60+ cds from her car. I mentioned it and all she screams at me is, "You know we have fuckin' bills to pay too!" I should've known better than to think she actually meant it when she said she'd either replace my cds or help me buy a new mp3 player. Sometimes she just infuriates me to no end!
I don't care though, because this paycheck I am buying myself a damn new mp3 player even if I have to buy it myself! Mine is a total piece and I am tired of constantly needing to recharge it cause it always dies...and the screen ALWAYS freezes up on me! I do appreciate having it though. It was a gift, but it's dying and I need a new one. After that purchase, I am going to buy a new phone. My upgrade isn't until next April, but I need another one before then. My phone still works and everything, but the buttons are starting to push into the phone and that isn't good. Besides, with my discount I can get a decent phone and accessories for a good price. Then, by the time my upgrade is actually here, I can get one of the phones that is due to be released soon, at a cheaper price(hopefully), so I think this'll work.
I still want to take another vacation, either this fall/around Christmas, or early next year. Where to, I'm not entirely sure yet, but I do know I want to do more traveling. Traveling is such a liberating, free experience. I love it!!
Right now, I have a cold and it's totally sucking ass! I feel insanely congested and stuffed up. My nose is completely sore and raw from blowing it so much. Someone, quick... fix it! :p
Tonight I was supposed to call Chris. So I did....and he didn't answer. He was expecting my call too, so I wonder what's up. He better have an explanation for this or heads...will...roll. Haha, no, not really but I hope things are okay. I was really looking forward to talking to him. Chris is a new bud of mine. He's right in along with Wes and Andrew as my newer favorite people to talk to. Man, I don't know what it is but I get along so much better with guys than I do girls. I'm glad I have these people to talk to. They're funny and life definitely is not mundane when they're around.
And speaking of awesome people, an ex of mine has been really supportive and great lately. He sure has grown up and matured since we split. Some days I wonder if I'm talking to the same person I broke up with. I'm glad that things with him and I are getting better because I hated how they'd ended up between us. Constant fights...the distance between us... the stress all of it was causing me... I mean, I was losing my hair because that's how bad it got. But now things are back to the incredible, awesome times!
On the opposite side of things, a friend who I care for a lot has decided to stop talking to me. Not because of anything he did or I did but because he felt talking to me complicated his relationship with his pregnant girlfriend. He has feelings for me and said that talking to me made him want to be with me so bad. I always asked how him and his gf were...how the baby was and the pregnancy was going... I never had intentions of breaking them up. I wish though, that he didn't feel that him not talking to me was the only way for him to stay with his girlfriend and be happy. I wish him the best though. Man... I feel like such a homewrecker... and I didn't even do anything! Life... can be rough....
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Self Awareness
I'm going to share with you all a conversation, in which realizations have come forth.
Stay Beautiful = Me /Resisting the Fates. = a friend.
Stay Beautiful says:
resisting fates huh
Resisting the Fates. says:
Hey.
Yes, indeed.
Stay Beautiful says:
fates of?
Resisting the Fates. says:
My own destiny.
It's been quite the night.
And I'm quite the mess right now.
Stay Beautiful says:
alright. i'm listening
Resisting the Fates. says:
Heh, thanks. :) I don't really think there's much to say that hasn't already been said, though.
Seven months, and I'm still just drifting.
Stay Beautiful says:
I came to a realization tonight that I think I'll share with you\
Resisting the Fates. says:
Do tell.
Stay Beautiful says:
Just because the last one wasn't 'the one"..."the one" is out there. Love comes and goes. It hurts sometimes, but we move on and it should make us stronger. Use the good times and the good memories make you stronger. Let the mistakes refine who you are. You are worth something. Someone will come along and realize just how valuable you are, but first, you have to realize it yourself.
Resisting the Fates. says:
Thank you. Wise words, it'd seem. And effective, even, for some. But I'm not sure I'll ever come to that 'realization'. There are some things in me that I don't know if I can come to terms with, and time only goes to make it worse -- not better. Every time I'm almost there, every time it's all about to fall into place, something has to come along and ruin it. And often, it's me.
But I'm still here, eh? :) I'll find my way. Somehow.
The scars on my arm are proof enough I'm willing to try again.
Stay Beautiful says:
You are just being too hard on yourself. The whole "why didnt I do this?" or "I shoulda done that" and "if I had only said or did this, we'd still be together". Those are things you have to stop telling yourself. Sometimes it just doesn't last. But everything happens for a reason, as cliche as that is
you cut?
Resisting the Fates. says:
Did.
I've always been my own worst critic.
But I know that things could've been different. It's not even a matter of "what if".
Indeed, though. I do agree.
Everything does happen for a reason.
Stay Beautiful says:
everyone is their own worst critic. hell, ask my last 3 exes....
they'll tell you i am so hard on myself
Resisting the Fates. says:
Haha
I'd imagine.
Stay Beautiful says:
and i can tell you my biggest insecurity about myself is my weight and self image. But, that's getting better.
Resisting the Fates. says:
:)
That's good.
Stay Beautiful says:
and often, when something happens, I blame my self image for it
Resisting the Fates. says:
I see.
Stay Beautiful says:
yeah. its a definite character flaw
Resisting the Fates. says:
We've all got 'em.
Some just hide them better than others.
Sometimes it just takes someone who has dealt with some of the same things to bounce things off of. Talking with him has really helped with a lot of my own self reflection. When I can verbalize how I'm feeling and be able to share things with others, I feel better. I know I can be better too.
I'm going to leave you all with a song that has pretty much summed me up nicely the past, well, almost forever.
Tied Together With a Smile - Taylor Swift
Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
is the face in the mirror looking back at you
you walk around here thinking you're not pretty
but that's not true, cause I know you...
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
the water's high, you're jumping into it
and letting go... and no one knows
you cry, but you don't tell anyone
that you might not be the golden one
and you're tied together with a smile
but you're coming undone
I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
hoping it would end up in his pocket
but he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
oh, cause it's not his price to pay
not his price to pay...
Hold on, baby you're losing it
the water's high, you're jumping into it
and letting go... and no one knows
you cry, but you don't tell anyone
that you might not be the golden one
and you're tied together with a smile
but you're coming undone
You're tied together with a smile
but you're coming undone...oh
goodbye, baby
goodbye, baby
with a smile, baby, baby
Stay Beautiful = Me /Resisting the Fates. = a friend.
Stay Beautiful says:
resisting fates huh
Resisting the Fates. says:
Hey.
Yes, indeed.
Stay Beautiful says:
fates of?
Resisting the Fates. says:
My own destiny.
It's been quite the night.
And I'm quite the mess right now.
Stay Beautiful says:
alright. i'm listening
Resisting the Fates. says:
Heh, thanks. :) I don't really think there's much to say that hasn't already been said, though.
Seven months, and I'm still just drifting.
Stay Beautiful says:
I came to a realization tonight that I think I'll share with you\
Resisting the Fates. says:
Do tell.
Stay Beautiful says:
Just because the last one wasn't 'the one"..."the one" is out there. Love comes and goes. It hurts sometimes, but we move on and it should make us stronger. Use the good times and the good memories make you stronger. Let the mistakes refine who you are. You are worth something. Someone will come along and realize just how valuable you are, but first, you have to realize it yourself.
Resisting the Fates. says:
Thank you. Wise words, it'd seem. And effective, even, for some. But I'm not sure I'll ever come to that 'realization'. There are some things in me that I don't know if I can come to terms with, and time only goes to make it worse -- not better. Every time I'm almost there, every time it's all about to fall into place, something has to come along and ruin it. And often, it's me.
But I'm still here, eh? :) I'll find my way. Somehow.
The scars on my arm are proof enough I'm willing to try again.
Stay Beautiful says:
You are just being too hard on yourself. The whole "why didnt I do this?" or "I shoulda done that" and "if I had only said or did this, we'd still be together". Those are things you have to stop telling yourself. Sometimes it just doesn't last. But everything happens for a reason, as cliche as that is
you cut?
Resisting the Fates. says:
Did.
I've always been my own worst critic.
But I know that things could've been different. It's not even a matter of "what if".
Indeed, though. I do agree.
Everything does happen for a reason.
Stay Beautiful says:
everyone is their own worst critic. hell, ask my last 3 exes....
they'll tell you i am so hard on myself
Resisting the Fates. says:
Haha
I'd imagine.
Stay Beautiful says:
and i can tell you my biggest insecurity about myself is my weight and self image. But, that's getting better.
Resisting the Fates. says:
:)
That's good.
Stay Beautiful says:
and often, when something happens, I blame my self image for it
Resisting the Fates. says:
I see.
Stay Beautiful says:
yeah. its a definite character flaw
Resisting the Fates. says:
We've all got 'em.
Some just hide them better than others.
Sometimes it just takes someone who has dealt with some of the same things to bounce things off of. Talking with him has really helped with a lot of my own self reflection. When I can verbalize how I'm feeling and be able to share things with others, I feel better. I know I can be better too.
I'm going to leave you all with a song that has pretty much summed me up nicely the past, well, almost forever.
Tied Together With a Smile - Taylor Swift
Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
is the face in the mirror looking back at you
you walk around here thinking you're not pretty
but that's not true, cause I know you...
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
the water's high, you're jumping into it
and letting go... and no one knows
you cry, but you don't tell anyone
that you might not be the golden one
and you're tied together with a smile
but you're coming undone
I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
hoping it would end up in his pocket
but he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
oh, cause it's not his price to pay
not his price to pay...
Hold on, baby you're losing it
the water's high, you're jumping into it
and letting go... and no one knows
you cry, but you don't tell anyone
that you might not be the golden one
and you're tied together with a smile
but you're coming undone
You're tied together with a smile
but you're coming undone...oh
goodbye, baby
goodbye, baby
with a smile, baby, baby
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Untitled Jabbering
I swear, some people honestly have a lot of nerve. I mean... wow. I just can't even express how sad and disappointed I am at the behavior some people are displaying. All I can say to you really is "Grow Up." I won't let what you said bug me, because I will elect to take the high road and kindly let you have the low road. Best of luck to you with all you do because I don't see things working out as I had hoped.
In other news, work has been going well. Made myself some good commission today because I am just that badass at sales. Going out to the movies with some girlfriends on Tuesday. Not sure what we'll see but whatever we decide on will rock, I'm sure. Found out the cheap seats theater has Twoonie Tuesdays going on so I can see a movie for 2 bux during any time that day! That, is seriously cool.
My sister found out today that she's got a lot of health problems and that's scary. If I were to list them all, we'd be here awhile. It's almost easier to ask what isn't wrong I feel bad for her. I wish there was something I could do for her but there isn't, other than be here for her I guess. I'll keep an update going.
Janny, if you are reading this, you need to msg me so we can hang out. Or answer text messages, which ever lol.
Alright, I'm out. Later days!
In other news, work has been going well. Made myself some good commission today because I am just that badass at sales. Going out to the movies with some girlfriends on Tuesday. Not sure what we'll see but whatever we decide on will rock, I'm sure. Found out the cheap seats theater has Twoonie Tuesdays going on so I can see a movie for 2 bux during any time that day! That, is seriously cool.
My sister found out today that she's got a lot of health problems and that's scary. If I were to list them all, we'd be here awhile. It's almost easier to ask what isn't wrong I feel bad for her. I wish there was something I could do for her but there isn't, other than be here for her I guess. I'll keep an update going.
Janny, if you are reading this, you need to msg me so we can hang out. Or answer text messages, which ever lol.
Alright, I'm out. Later days!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Randomness Part 2
So I didn't go to the movies with Kim. I ended up going with Brittany instead. We went to see Horton Hears a Who and OMG that movie was AWESOME!! For anyone who hasn't seen it, I recommend that you do. I loved it and so did Brit. We had a great time. Got some iced coffees after work, and went to the theater. The movie was fantastic.
Work is getting better. I got a raise and am doing well with that. We get to earn commission now which is badass, and might I say, about damn time! :p I busted my ass to help us earn the right to commission. I also finally have my benefits which is good. I feel safer knowing they're in effect.
Life lately has been getting better. I feel better about myself and my situation and just take things one day at a time. I miss talking to certain people, and I hope they miss me too. Maybe someday soon we'll get to talk.
I'm listening to songs off of one of the two albums I recently purchased. Bought OneRepublic's Dreaming Out Loud and Taylor Swift's self titled album. I'm loving both of them a lot! Easily two of the best purchases I've recently made. A couple songs remind me of different situations. I'm gonna leave you with some lyrics from a song that I've listened to a lot. Who it reminds me of, I'm sure those who know, will figure it out. I miss you but I really wish you the best.
Stay Beautiful - Taylor Swift
Cory's eyes are like a jungle
he smiles, it's like the radio
he whispers songs into my window
in words nobody knows
there's pretty girls on every corner
that watch him as he's walking home
saying, does he know
will you ever know
You're beautiful
every little piece, love, don't you know
you're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
when you find everything you've looked for
i hope your life leads you back to my door
oh but if it don't, stay beautiful
Cory finds another way to be
the highlight of my day
i'm taking pictures in my mind
so i can save them for a rainy day
it's hard to make conversation
when he's taking my breath away
i should say, hey by the way...
You're beautiful
every little piece love, don't you know
you're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
when you find everything you looked for
i hope your life leads you back to my door
oh but if it don't, stay beautiful
if you and I are a story
that never gets told
if what you are is a daydream
i'll never get to hold, at least you'll know
You're beautiful
every little piece love, don't you know
you're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
when you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my front door
oh but if it don't, stay beautiful
Work is getting better. I got a raise and am doing well with that. We get to earn commission now which is badass, and might I say, about damn time! :p I busted my ass to help us earn the right to commission. I also finally have my benefits which is good. I feel safer knowing they're in effect.
Life lately has been getting better. I feel better about myself and my situation and just take things one day at a time. I miss talking to certain people, and I hope they miss me too. Maybe someday soon we'll get to talk.
I'm listening to songs off of one of the two albums I recently purchased. Bought OneRepublic's Dreaming Out Loud and Taylor Swift's self titled album. I'm loving both of them a lot! Easily two of the best purchases I've recently made. A couple songs remind me of different situations. I'm gonna leave you with some lyrics from a song that I've listened to a lot. Who it reminds me of, I'm sure those who know, will figure it out. I miss you but I really wish you the best.
Stay Beautiful - Taylor Swift
Cory's eyes are like a jungle
he smiles, it's like the radio
he whispers songs into my window
in words nobody knows
there's pretty girls on every corner
that watch him as he's walking home
saying, does he know
will you ever know
You're beautiful
every little piece, love, don't you know
you're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
when you find everything you've looked for
i hope your life leads you back to my door
oh but if it don't, stay beautiful
Cory finds another way to be
the highlight of my day
i'm taking pictures in my mind
so i can save them for a rainy day
it's hard to make conversation
when he's taking my breath away
i should say, hey by the way...
You're beautiful
every little piece love, don't you know
you're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
when you find everything you looked for
i hope your life leads you back to my door
oh but if it don't, stay beautiful
if you and I are a story
that never gets told
if what you are is a daydream
i'll never get to hold, at least you'll know
You're beautiful
every little piece love, don't you know
you're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
when you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my front door
oh but if it don't, stay beautiful
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