You came apart on me last Sunday morning
Chocked and indicted by the truth
And it's always tough when there's never enough
Of the good things coming
And there was never enough for you
There was never enough for you
Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't see you anymore
My eyes are taken still too high
Came down naked on you
Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore
Got excited when I thought that we would last
Twisted inside out 'til we were drowning
From the first attack we could never go back so we just keep on coming
But I was never enough for you
Was there ever enough for you
Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't feel you anymore
My eyes are taken still too high
Came down naked on you
Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore
And if you think you're dying
Baby well you know I felt the same
'Cause we were only hoping
Why's it always feel like, feel like
It feels like rain
Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't see you anymore
My eyes are taken still too high
Came down naked on you
Butterfly
Where you gone
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore
I can't feel you anymore
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Lost
You ever have the feeling that what you do and who you are means absolutely nothing? That you are like a square peg in a round hole...that you just don't fit? I definitely feel that way more often than not. I don't understand where I should be. I don't "get it." Life has me feeling like I'm drowning and there's no one there to throw me a life preserver and say, "Hey you know what? You need to be here because the world needs you. You may not see it now, but you DO have a purpose here on this earth and if we lost you, the world wouldn't be the same." I keep waiting for that. I keep waiting to see that bright light at the end of the tunnel but it doesn't seem to wanna shine for me.
My gramma is gone now. The only gramma I ever knew has left this world for a much better place than this. I hope she's at peace and I'm so glad she isn't suffering anymore but goodness knows I miss her so much! I miss hearing her say she loves me in that half Canadian, half Danish accent she so lovingly spoke in. I miss her asking if we wanted her to knit something for us, like scarves or dishclothes or hats. I miss her meatball soup, how it always felt so warm trickling down my throat as if she meant to give us a hug from the inside with her warm cooking. I miss so much about her.
I lost my job a month ago tomorrow. I've been looking but I cannot find anything in terms of employment. I have applied for EI and I am waiting to hear from them but so far, nothing yet. I miss the useful feeling you get when you have a job to go to. I miss having a reason to wake up in the morning.
I feel broken. I feel lost. I don't know how to fix either of these feelings right now. I wish life had an instructional manual. Some kind of guidelines that could help you get back on track when stuff like this happens. But unfortunately that is why life is not easy at times, because there is no manual. There is no blueprint for how to live or how to fix a broken you. But man....It'd be sweet if there was....
My gramma is gone now. The only gramma I ever knew has left this world for a much better place than this. I hope she's at peace and I'm so glad she isn't suffering anymore but goodness knows I miss her so much! I miss hearing her say she loves me in that half Canadian, half Danish accent she so lovingly spoke in. I miss her asking if we wanted her to knit something for us, like scarves or dishclothes or hats. I miss her meatball soup, how it always felt so warm trickling down my throat as if she meant to give us a hug from the inside with her warm cooking. I miss so much about her.
I lost my job a month ago tomorrow. I've been looking but I cannot find anything in terms of employment. I have applied for EI and I am waiting to hear from them but so far, nothing yet. I miss the useful feeling you get when you have a job to go to. I miss having a reason to wake up in the morning.
I feel broken. I feel lost. I don't know how to fix either of these feelings right now. I wish life had an instructional manual. Some kind of guidelines that could help you get back on track when stuff like this happens. But unfortunately that is why life is not easy at times, because there is no manual. There is no blueprint for how to live or how to fix a broken you. But man....It'd be sweet if there was....
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Randoms
* My favorite color is Pink *
* I have never traveled anywhere that was not located on the continent of North America *
* I've been published *
* My (current) favorite musical artist is Taylor Swift *
* I have 3 middle names *
* I have never traveled anywhere that was not located on the continent of North America *
* I've been published *
* My (current) favorite musical artist is Taylor Swift *
* I have 3 middle names *
Sunday, February 22, 2009
3 month catch-up
So once again, I've left this blog and let it sit for what seems like forever. There's no reason really other than the fact that I do not write when I do not feel like writing. It doesn't mean I don't want to write more than I do, but it happens.
Anyways, lots has happened. Lost my job last week unexpectedly and out of nowhere. They tell me it's because of my sales but I am fairly certain that a certain coworker had a hand in my being let go. Whatever. I really liked that job but now I don't have it and I can't cry over it. Just have to find a new one now.
My gramma has gotten worse and worse and we heard today that the doctors don't expect her to make it through the next 48 hours. The cancer is bad and she's got a clot in her heart. I love her SO much and I want her not to suffer anymore. I know she's in pain so I want her to go. I'll miss her but I love her and this is what's best.
My sister's ex fiance is moving out now. He will be gone within a few hours and I am so glad he's finally going. He has been nothing but an asshole and he should have left forever ago. I really hope my sister sticks to her guns and won't let him come back this time.
Life is really hard right now and I hope it gets better soon.
Anyways, lots has happened. Lost my job last week unexpectedly and out of nowhere. They tell me it's because of my sales but I am fairly certain that a certain coworker had a hand in my being let go. Whatever. I really liked that job but now I don't have it and I can't cry over it. Just have to find a new one now.
My gramma has gotten worse and worse and we heard today that the doctors don't expect her to make it through the next 48 hours. The cancer is bad and she's got a clot in her heart. I love her SO much and I want her not to suffer anymore. I know she's in pain so I want her to go. I'll miss her but I love her and this is what's best.
My sister's ex fiance is moving out now. He will be gone within a few hours and I am so glad he's finally going. He has been nothing but an asshole and he should have left forever ago. I really hope my sister sticks to her guns and won't let him come back this time.
Life is really hard right now and I hope it gets better soon.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sing For The Moment (borrowed from Jen on Facebook)
1. Put your ZUNE/iPod/MP3 Player/etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the meme from.
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Hash Pipe - Weezer
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Pieces of You -Jewel
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Chemicals Between Us - Bush (ok that was kinda weird)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon 5
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Way I Are - Timbaland feat Keri Hilson
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Lady - Regina Spektor
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Pon De Replay - Rihanna
WHAT IS 2+2?
I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Field Below - Regina Spektor
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Some Kinda Wonderful - Sky
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Hip Hop Police - Chamillionaire Feat Slick Rick
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Why Did You Mess With Forever - John Mayer
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Back To You - John Mayer
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Laid - Matt Nathanson (LOL! I don't think so! haha)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Ironic - Alanis Morrisette
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Stronger - Kanye West
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Swing, Swing - All American Rejects (LOL as if!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Bounce With Me - Kreesha Turner
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Yesterday's Letter - 98 Degrees
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Trust Me Baby, This is Love - Amanda Marshall
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Dear John - Kreesha Turner (LMAO!!)
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Gangsta - Akon
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Why Should I Be Sad - Britney Spears (haha creepy)
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Ever Ever After - Carrie Underwood (woah! LOL)
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Feel Good Inc - Gorillaz
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
You and I - Sky
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Love Song - Sara Bareilles
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Yummy - Gwen Stefani
(haha ok some of these are too funny and creepy! Thanks Jen for letting me rip this idea off haha)
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the meme from.
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Hash Pipe - Weezer
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Pieces of You -Jewel
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Chemicals Between Us - Bush (ok that was kinda weird)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon 5
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Way I Are - Timbaland feat Keri Hilson
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Lady - Regina Spektor
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Pon De Replay - Rihanna
WHAT IS 2+2?
I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Field Below - Regina Spektor
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Some Kinda Wonderful - Sky
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Hip Hop Police - Chamillionaire Feat Slick Rick
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Why Did You Mess With Forever - John Mayer
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Back To You - John Mayer
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Laid - Matt Nathanson (LOL! I don't think so! haha)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Ironic - Alanis Morrisette
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Stronger - Kanye West
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Swing, Swing - All American Rejects (LOL as if!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Bounce With Me - Kreesha Turner
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Yesterday's Letter - 98 Degrees
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Trust Me Baby, This is Love - Amanda Marshall
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Dear John - Kreesha Turner (LMAO!!)
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Gangsta - Akon
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Why Should I Be Sad - Britney Spears (haha creepy)
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Ever Ever After - Carrie Underwood (woah! LOL)
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Feel Good Inc - Gorillaz
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
You and I - Sky
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Love Song - Sara Bareilles
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Yummy - Gwen Stefani
(haha ok some of these are too funny and creepy! Thanks Jen for letting me rip this idea off haha)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Catching Up
So 6 months later and it seemed I'd forgotten this blog was even here. I really do tend to go in spits and sputters and I bet not even one person still checks this. LOL. That wouldn't surprise me a bit!
Lots has gone on and yet it seems like nothing has. I still don't talk to the ex who broke my heart in March and a few friends have gone by the wayside, but since then I've made new ones, rekindled older friendships and worked through some good and bad times. I think he used me, but whatever, I'm so over it.
I'm particularly glad to have rekindled the few friendships that I have as of late. I realize how much I missed their company. I've spent a bunch of time catching up with one friend specifically. We've gone out to dinner a few times, caught a movie here and there and basically filled each other in on what's gone on with us the past few years. I also had a wonderful surprise when an old best friend from my grade 9 year in high school found me on Facebook and we have since been able to chill out after not seeing each other for 11 years because she had moved away.
Since my last post here, I have also changed jobs. The place I was working for had decided to close the call center part of their business which is where I worked. Everyone got laid off and I found myself in need of employment rather fast. They did give us a 6 week notice and in the nick of time I found employment with Fido, a company who is getting pretty big within Canada. It is a company who sells cellular phones and accessories, which of course, seems to be my forte. I'm doing well and have been with them for 2.5 months now. I am coming close to passing my 3 month probation and I am stoked! So great to do well in a job that you really like.
In other news, my Grandma(mom's side) has been really sick and is dying. She is a strong woman though, who keeps holding on and persevering despite all that she's been through. She has survived through 3 types of Cancer previously(Skin, Breast and Lymphoma) but now she is enduring through both Lung and Colon cancer. These cancers are advanced and spreading and the chemo is taking its toll on my poor grandma. She's suffering, I know she is, and I want so much to have her at peace. I don't mean I want her to die, but I wish she didn't have to hurt anymore. I hate seeing her in so much pain. Part of me wonders if she's holding on for us, her family, because we don't want her to go and not holding on for herself. I trust that things are going to happen and are happening as they are supposed to.
To end on a lighter note, my dog Kirby has had puppies again. This should hopefully be her last batch. She has had 4 and they are the cutest little things! My sister wants to keep one, if not two. With the two budgies we have since acquired, I am beginning to think she's trying to turn our house into a farm! If we keep two, we will have 7 dogs and 2 budgies. We might get a dog from our aunt and that would make 8 dogs. That's way too many if you ask me, but time will tell how things go.
Lots has gone on and yet it seems like nothing has. I still don't talk to the ex who broke my heart in March and a few friends have gone by the wayside, but since then I've made new ones, rekindled older friendships and worked through some good and bad times. I think he used me, but whatever, I'm so over it.
I'm particularly glad to have rekindled the few friendships that I have as of late. I realize how much I missed their company. I've spent a bunch of time catching up with one friend specifically. We've gone out to dinner a few times, caught a movie here and there and basically filled each other in on what's gone on with us the past few years. I also had a wonderful surprise when an old best friend from my grade 9 year in high school found me on Facebook and we have since been able to chill out after not seeing each other for 11 years because she had moved away.
Since my last post here, I have also changed jobs. The place I was working for had decided to close the call center part of their business which is where I worked. Everyone got laid off and I found myself in need of employment rather fast. They did give us a 6 week notice and in the nick of time I found employment with Fido, a company who is getting pretty big within Canada. It is a company who sells cellular phones and accessories, which of course, seems to be my forte. I'm doing well and have been with them for 2.5 months now. I am coming close to passing my 3 month probation and I am stoked! So great to do well in a job that you really like.
In other news, my Grandma(mom's side) has been really sick and is dying. She is a strong woman though, who keeps holding on and persevering despite all that she's been through. She has survived through 3 types of Cancer previously(Skin, Breast and Lymphoma) but now she is enduring through both Lung and Colon cancer. These cancers are advanced and spreading and the chemo is taking its toll on my poor grandma. She's suffering, I know she is, and I want so much to have her at peace. I don't mean I want her to die, but I wish she didn't have to hurt anymore. I hate seeing her in so much pain. Part of me wonders if she's holding on for us, her family, because we don't want her to go and not holding on for herself. I trust that things are going to happen and are happening as they are supposed to.
To end on a lighter note, my dog Kirby has had puppies again. This should hopefully be her last batch. She has had 4 and they are the cutest little things! My sister wants to keep one, if not two. With the two budgies we have since acquired, I am beginning to think she's trying to turn our house into a farm! If we keep two, we will have 7 dogs and 2 budgies. We might get a dog from our aunt and that would make 8 dogs. That's way too many if you ask me, but time will tell how things go.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Movies and Madness
Well, it's certainly been awhile since I've blogged. So much has gone on, and yet, nothing at all. Work is the same. Work is ALWAYS the same. I guess that's good in a way, but very mundane at the same time. I don't know...I guess there's something about consistency that is boring, even if it can be something that's reassuring because you know what to expect. I wish things'd get shaken up sometimes... A little excitement never hurt anyone I don't think.
I've been going to a lot of movies lately. Going with friends, going with people I work with who have become friends... It's great! The new Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian movie is something I HIGHLY recommend! It has been so awesome to go see various movies with my friends. Leaves me less time to be reflective upon depressing things. Movies I've seen as of late are Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, 21, Horton Hears a Who, What Happens in Vegas, The Other Boelyn Girl, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Enchanted... And movies I want to see coming up are: Wall E, KungFu Panda, IronMan, Get Smart... just to name a few.
Other than work and being distracted by friends, life has been, average at best. I've had time to focus on some things that have happened and things I want to change. How I'm going to do so, I haven't figured out yet, but I know I will. As for now, I'll focus on my movies, music, and hanging out with friends.
I've been going to a lot of movies lately. Going with friends, going with people I work with who have become friends... It's great! The new Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian movie is something I HIGHLY recommend! It has been so awesome to go see various movies with my friends. Leaves me less time to be reflective upon depressing things. Movies I've seen as of late are Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, 21, Horton Hears a Who, What Happens in Vegas, The Other Boelyn Girl, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Enchanted... And movies I want to see coming up are: Wall E, KungFu Panda, IronMan, Get Smart... just to name a few.
Other than work and being distracted by friends, life has been, average at best. I've had time to focus on some things that have happened and things I want to change. How I'm going to do so, I haven't figured out yet, but I know I will. As for now, I'll focus on my movies, music, and hanging out with friends.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
